Currently it is -4 outside right now. Wind chill? -21. Of course I chose the 2 coldest winters to live in the midwest.
Is it bad that it makes me feel better that the weather is just as bad, if not worse, in NJ? Sorry guys.
As cold and snowy as it is, this was the sunset as I was driving home last night. Had to pull over to get a good shot out the window of my car. Better be thankful for it, took 5 minutes for me to get the feeling back in my hands afterwards (note to self, clean car windows for optimal, 'indoor' photography).
Big girl update: I did my taxes this past weekend.
For whatever reason, this seemed like one of the adult things that I would never really understand and never know how to do, and would have to depend on others my whole life get it done for me. But thanks to Turbo Tax's free option for Federal and State, I was able to get it done myself.
Also, found a new family doctor. Its like I'm an adult or something…
During said doctor's appointment, I was asked what my occupation is (by my male, attractive, my-age doctor no less), and then a couple questions later, the obligatory "are you sexually active" question was asked, to which he answered before me with "Oh, well I guess with your job, that'd be kinda not good if you were…" I have some really interesting conversations these days.
With our crazy weather, I had a day to work on my current project: Plarn (plastic yarn) tote bags!!
Don't worry! In a little bit, you'll get a chance to get your hands on one of these, I promise! In the meantime, please feel free to save any and all plastic grocery bags you come across…and if you feel like mailing them all to me, I wouldn't mind in the least.
One another note, there are a few other things I wanted to process.
I feel like I oscillate between wanting to know exactly how my life is going to be played out, and then when God actually shares things with me, I freak out and can't handle the prospects of the future. Thank goodness God is sovereign and knows exactly when to tell me things, but I still struggle with my reactions.
I've recently observed in my life how often I react negatively to…well, everything. I complain, I stress, I stress-eat, I stress-Zumba, I overanalyze, and I essentially doubt God. I doubt that this was the right thing that should have happened to me, that this was the right circumstance for me, that this was the right way I should be treated.
I doubt because I believe I am entitled.
Entitled to reward, entitled to ease, entitled to a break.
And yet I'm sitting in a warm (enough) apartment, I have clothes on my back and in my closet, food in my pantry and fridge, friends to see tonight, and a myriad of non-essentials that give me a life of general comfort.
Yet I always think I deserve more. The problem is that what I actually deserve is not so good…judgement. Ultimately death.
That is always a good wake up call to my never-ending complaining, my never ending doubt of a loving God who took the ultimate judgment from me and for me. And yet, I still say "Please sir, may I have some more?" (Dickens quotes are always a good crowd pleaser, right?).
Its like that one guy that Jesus helped… "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief."
Lord, I trust you. Help me trust you.
My positive story for the day is that while on the phone, I was told by my favorite 3 year old in the world "I have a kiss for you" and while I couldn't quite hear the aforementioned pucker on the other end, I was assured it happened by the adult in the room with her. Oh how I miss all of you, my dear family and friends.
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