I need a perspective change.
I feel this blog has had a fairly negative feel recently, and that's because my perspective has been mostly negative of late. (also, everyone should always say "of late" rather than "lately"... its just better).
Rather than get swallowed up by my pessimism, its time for a thankful list. Lets all join in a chorus of "These are a few of my favorite things!"
Because when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad.
So in no particular order, here goes nothing:
My blanket from my Mom-Mom.
My scarves.
My tardis phone case.
Netflix.
Pictures of my friends and family scattered about my room.
Fall weather!
My roommate's treadmill.
Phone calls.
Having a home church.
Knowing how to use a professional espresso machine.
Sweatpants.
My bangs.
High heeled shoes.
My ankle pants that make me feel like Audrey Hepburn.
Tunics.
Chocolate chip pumpkin bread.
Free lunch at staff meetings.
Trader Joe's Orange Chicken.
Big rings.
Maxi skirts that are long enough.
My Bible that is falling apart (almost lost Revelation earlier today...).
Books! (how did it take me this long before I wrote that?!)
The park that is in walking distance of my house.
Being an East-coaster.
Driving stick.
Shakespeare.
Watching British television, then thinking with an accent.
Coffee.
Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
Living 10 minutes from a family member.
Sharing a big bowl of popcorn with someone.
"Good Mythical Morning."
Mocassins.
Lord of the Rings.
A roommate that talks to me.
My journals.
Candles.
Campfires.
Glamping.
Star gazing.
Finding satellites when star gazing.
Jogging.
Big cities.
Art museums.
Taking a train somewhere.
The beach.
The woods.
Watching previews at the movies.
The smell of onions and garlic cooking in butter on the stove.
A bowl of cereal.
Cooking for people.
Libraries.
Book fairs/sales/stores.
Food trucks.
Worshipping and not caring what you look like.
Learning.
Fixing things on my car.
Youth retreats.
Going to a new restaurant with someone that has already been there.
Panera.
Taco Bell.
The bead aisle at Hobby Lobby.
Staying up late.
Thunderstorms.
Road trips.
Aquariums.
"These are a few of my favorite things...."
You get a car, and you get a car, and you get a car!
Get it? Favorite things? I probably could have set that joke up better, but its late. I like staying up late, but didn't say that I was always cohesive...coherent...some c-word that I may or may not be able to come up with. That reminds me of the time that I shared a room with my sister, and I had the bottom bunk. The cat used to sleep up on Brittany's bunk, and we never knew how she got up there or how she got down. One night, I knew how she got down. I woke to what I thought was death, but was really the cat landing on my stomach after jumping down off of the top bunk (our bunk beds were in an "L" shape, perpendicular to one another, not parallel...). I screamed in my fright, and my mom ran into the room. I explained to her that Gracie had jumped on me, and my mom answered with "What?" I said again "Gracie jumped on me." My mom said I wasn't making sense and should go back to bed. I, now frustrated as to why she wasn't understanding me, yelled louder "Gracie jumped on me!" Mom again answered with "You're not making sense, just go to bed." The next morning I asked my mom why she wasn't understanding me, and she said "All you kept saying was, 'Gracie has a shoe!' over and over again."
So yeah, not always coherent (is that the right word) at this time of night. But who cares. I don't stay up for other people, I stay up for me. Its just so wonderfully quite late at night.
Positive story from the day: asking someone for a "real" hug, and getting a good, long, sincere one.
October 14, 2015
October 13, 2015
That one time I couldn't play Halo...
I read something a while back in an article about relationships that has been floating around in my head, and I need to process it out.
I went to find this article again to read the quote that was bothering me, and to also highlight the quote here, but alas, it can't be found. So I'll have to paraphrase to the best of my ability.
It was by a woman who was writing about past experiences and how they have shaped her. She wrote something about allowing a certain guy to become very important to her emotionally because he had shown her a small amount of interest, and since she hadn't been getting interest anywhere else, it came across to her as a large amount of interest and she got hung up on him for way too long, even when he stopped showing interest.
You are not alone, sister.
The reason I wanted to process this here is because as humans, we so easily put others on pedestals because of our perceptions of them. We make assumptions about what they can offer us, about what they're capable of, about their seeming perfection, and all of it is through our eyes and a perception that is skewed and flawed.
I have allowed others opinions of me (the opinions I've assumed they've made, that is...) to dictate how I am going to view myself. What the what, McGillick. That is ridiculous.
I cannot allow choices that others have made to affect me in such drastic ways. The interactions between men and women will always baffle me (and the skill of those interactions will apparently always escape me) but the fact that we can allow such small, insignificant moments of conversation or interactions to transform into large, meaningful moments that fluff our egos or translate as pursuit is even more baffling.
I don't know why I look for approval and affirmation of being a female when I have the love of my Savior and Redeemer and have been called His "bride" and told that He is coming back for me. I don't know why women read into things more than they should with guys.
What I do know is we are all humans, therefore we are allidiots imperfect, and we are going to have imperfect interactions and relationships. My heart aches for other women who have thought something held more potential then it did. Because I know what that feels like. Its terrible. Not just because our pride has been bruised, but because it feels like someone hit a reset button on a game you had been playing and now you have to go back to level one and start all over. And all your friends had been watching you play the game and see that you've been sent back to level one, so they don't know what to do other than offer pity and condolences and tips for how to make it through the first few levels as quickly as possible to get to the level you were at, and you just want to throw the game away and never play again.
And now all I can think about is the time my siblings tried to teach me to play Halo and it ended with me storming out of the room yelling at everyone and throwing my controller behind me as I left, hoping to "accidentally" hit someone with it. I digress....
Why did I need to blog about this? Because I process verbally, and in this case, typographically (Does that word exist? It wasn't underlined in red, so it must. I've impressed myself), and just needed to spit all of that out.
Take from it what you will.
But whatever you do, don't offer pity. This was not a cry of frustration or a cry for help. This was a statement, an observation, a commentary. Maybe even a confession.
Random story from today: I played the "dice game" with my STARS girls today, and its the best game ever. My throat hurts from yelling. If you know anything about me, you know that means I was having a blast. It probably has a real name, but here are the rules. Rule #1: gather a group of people (preferably between 3 and 8). Rule #2: each person playing has a slip of paper. Rule #3: there is one dice and one pen. Rule #4: each player takes a turn rolling the dice. Rule #5: when a player rolls a six, they grab the pen and start writing numbers 1 to 100 on their slip of paper. Rule #6: each player not currently writing continues to try and roll a 6, taking the pen from whoever has it and filling out their own slip of paper. Rule #7: first player to get to 100 wins. Rule #8: watch this video to get excited about playing a game. Rule #8: go play. right now. do it.
I went to find this article again to read the quote that was bothering me, and to also highlight the quote here, but alas, it can't be found. So I'll have to paraphrase to the best of my ability.
It was by a woman who was writing about past experiences and how they have shaped her. She wrote something about allowing a certain guy to become very important to her emotionally because he had shown her a small amount of interest, and since she hadn't been getting interest anywhere else, it came across to her as a large amount of interest and she got hung up on him for way too long, even when he stopped showing interest.
You are not alone, sister.
The reason I wanted to process this here is because as humans, we so easily put others on pedestals because of our perceptions of them. We make assumptions about what they can offer us, about what they're capable of, about their seeming perfection, and all of it is through our eyes and a perception that is skewed and flawed.
I have allowed others opinions of me (the opinions I've assumed they've made, that is...) to dictate how I am going to view myself. What the what, McGillick. That is ridiculous.
I cannot allow choices that others have made to affect me in such drastic ways. The interactions between men and women will always baffle me (and the skill of those interactions will apparently always escape me) but the fact that we can allow such small, insignificant moments of conversation or interactions to transform into large, meaningful moments that fluff our egos or translate as pursuit is even more baffling.
I don't know why I look for approval and affirmation of being a female when I have the love of my Savior and Redeemer and have been called His "bride" and told that He is coming back for me. I don't know why women read into things more than they should with guys.
What I do know is we are all humans, therefore we are all
And now all I can think about is the time my siblings tried to teach me to play Halo and it ended with me storming out of the room yelling at everyone and throwing my controller behind me as I left, hoping to "accidentally" hit someone with it. I digress....
Why did I need to blog about this? Because I process verbally, and in this case, typographically (Does that word exist? It wasn't underlined in red, so it must. I've impressed myself), and just needed to spit all of that out.
Take from it what you will.
But whatever you do, don't offer pity. This was not a cry of frustration or a cry for help. This was a statement, an observation, a commentary. Maybe even a confession.
Random story from today: I played the "dice game" with my STARS girls today, and its the best game ever. My throat hurts from yelling. If you know anything about me, you know that means I was having a blast. It probably has a real name, but here are the rules. Rule #1: gather a group of people (preferably between 3 and 8). Rule #2: each person playing has a slip of paper. Rule #3: there is one dice and one pen. Rule #4: each player takes a turn rolling the dice. Rule #5: when a player rolls a six, they grab the pen and start writing numbers 1 to 100 on their slip of paper. Rule #6: each player not currently writing continues to try and roll a 6, taking the pen from whoever has it and filling out their own slip of paper. Rule #7: first player to get to 100 wins. Rule #8: watch this video to get excited about playing a game. Rule #8: go play. right now. do it.
October 5, 2015
No, Admiral Ackbar, it's a different kind of trap...
This song is on my running play list, and whenever it comes on, I feel the urge to blog about it; but by the time I get home, I've either forgotten or get distracted and its hasn't gotten done. But today is that day! It will be blogged about. Take that, short attention span....
"A house and a wife and two and a half.
I lost my dream in the comfort trap....
I told my heart to toe the line.
You had all that time, the rest is mine....
I'm gonna have my cake and eat it too,
And what I don't eat I'm gonna force feed you."
How many times do we get distracted by what we think we should have? Or what we think we're entitled to?
Many have fallen into the comfort trap, and I have fallen in the trap of longing for what I think would be comfort.
"You had all that time, the rest is mine." I feel like that's what I say to God during a rough day. I want it to be my turn, I want to pursue the things I think would make me happy. I want. I want. I want.
But I haven't put my heart on hold, I am doing what I want. What I want is to be in God's will, not so I can escape the fires of hell or earn a reward, but because I have a Savior that I love and I know I am on this earth for a purpose and I don't want to miss that purpose because I wanted the "house and a wife and two and half" that the world makes the end-all-be-all of a person's life.
Do I still want that? Heck yes.
But it can't be the driving force behind my decisions. Its not something I have complete control over (or any control over apparently...) so why not focus on the things that are in front of me, the things that are giving me joy and giving me purpose?
So I do. I coordinate an after-school program that I love. I get to tell girls they are special and have value. Last week, we told the students those exact words, and I passed out a small brightly colored card that said "You are a unique creation, with endless worth; there will never be another you." I asked how many had never been told anything like that before and more than half of them raised their hand. These are 6th grade girls. Eleven year old girls. And no one is telling them they are special.
I could go on a rant about the world, about parents, about babies having babies, but we all know the world is broken. Its broken and it desperately needs its Savior to return and put it back together, to put us back together.
I will still have terrible days when I just want a family of my own, a house of my own, even a couch of my own. But when I am faced with precious, broken children, I can put that behind me and focus on whats in front of me. On who's in front of me. On Who is walking alongside me each and every step.
We have been tasked with changing this world. I refuse to fall into the comfort trap. You should refuse to fall into the comfort trap.
You should also listen to this song. Comfort Trap by House of Heroes. And listen to all their stuff while you're at it, they're amazing. Particularly "If," "Serial Sleepers," (and enjoy the super dated music video for that...what-up 2005!) and "By Your Side." Did I tell you about the time I met the drummer, Colin Rigsby, at a Relient K show? They weren't playing there, he was literally just attending the concert. Here's how our conversation went: Setting: exit hallway of small venue in Columbus. Colin is standing against the wall as I walk by. I see him as I pass (I'm in italics): "HI!" "Hi." "Hi!" "(Chuckle) Hi." Silence. "I'm a big fan!" "Thanks." More silence. End scene. Yup. That's how I interact with spontaneous celebrities. Also, with men.
"A house and a wife and two and a half.
I lost my dream in the comfort trap....
I told my heart to toe the line.
You had all that time, the rest is mine....
I'm gonna have my cake and eat it too,
And what I don't eat I'm gonna force feed you."
How many times do we get distracted by what we think we should have? Or what we think we're entitled to?
Many have fallen into the comfort trap, and I have fallen in the trap of longing for what I think would be comfort.
"You had all that time, the rest is mine." I feel like that's what I say to God during a rough day. I want it to be my turn, I want to pursue the things I think would make me happy. I want. I want. I want.
But I haven't put my heart on hold, I am doing what I want. What I want is to be in God's will, not so I can escape the fires of hell or earn a reward, but because I have a Savior that I love and I know I am on this earth for a purpose and I don't want to miss that purpose because I wanted the "house and a wife and two and half" that the world makes the end-all-be-all of a person's life.
Do I still want that? Heck yes.
But it can't be the driving force behind my decisions. Its not something I have complete control over (or any control over apparently...) so why not focus on the things that are in front of me, the things that are giving me joy and giving me purpose?
So I do. I coordinate an after-school program that I love. I get to tell girls they are special and have value. Last week, we told the students those exact words, and I passed out a small brightly colored card that said "You are a unique creation, with endless worth; there will never be another you." I asked how many had never been told anything like that before and more than half of them raised their hand. These are 6th grade girls. Eleven year old girls. And no one is telling them they are special.
I could go on a rant about the world, about parents, about babies having babies, but we all know the world is broken. Its broken and it desperately needs its Savior to return and put it back together, to put us back together.
I will still have terrible days when I just want a family of my own, a house of my own, even a couch of my own. But when I am faced with precious, broken children, I can put that behind me and focus on whats in front of me. On who's in front of me. On Who is walking alongside me each and every step.
We have been tasked with changing this world. I refuse to fall into the comfort trap. You should refuse to fall into the comfort trap.
You should also listen to this song. Comfort Trap by House of Heroes. And listen to all their stuff while you're at it, they're amazing. Particularly "If," "Serial Sleepers," (and enjoy the super dated music video for that...what-up 2005!) and "By Your Side." Did I tell you about the time I met the drummer, Colin Rigsby, at a Relient K show? They weren't playing there, he was literally just attending the concert. Here's how our conversation went: Setting: exit hallway of small venue in Columbus. Colin is standing against the wall as I walk by. I see him as I pass (I'm in italics): "HI!" "Hi." "Hi!" "(Chuckle) Hi." Silence. "I'm a big fan!" "Thanks." More silence. End scene. Yup. That's how I interact with spontaneous celebrities. Also, with men.
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