Are We There Yet?

This question used to cost me a quarter when I rode in the back seat of my parents cars. I guess five kids asking that same question over and over again can drive a parent crazy. When we began a family vacation, we'd all pile into the car and were given each a roll of quarters, and anyone that asked "Are we there yet?" or started a fight, or said anything that was unpleasant to our parents ears, had to give up one of their quarters. Whatever we had left could be used towards souvenirs or snacks or anything our hearts desired that trip.

Thank goodness God doesn't use this same tactic.

I'd owe Him....everything.

"Am I there yet?" "Is this where You want me?" "Is this what I should be doing right now?" Don't even get me started on the other unpleasant things I've said....

Quarter, quarter, quarter....

And yet, instead of taking, He just keeps giving. Its so hard to remember how much He gives when all I can see are the empty spaces--in my life, in my wallet, in my schedule. And lack always seems to spur on doubt. "Is this right? Is this where I am supposed to be?"

Even when He's told me where to be, I seem to put a time limit on it. "Ok God, I've been here a while now, where to next?" Why am I always trying to speed up time? Jump to the next thing? Why was I made a planner? I'm sure that gift comes in handy sometimes, but most of the time its my stumbling block. If I'm not headed somewhere, it feels like I'm not anywhere, while all the time I'm right where He wants me...not confusing at all, right?

Its a strange thing, this whole 25 year-old thing....when I was in grade school, it was always "Where are you going? What do you want to be when you grow up?" In high school, it was "What career do you want? What college are you going to?" In college, "What are you majoring in? What job are you going to get?" After college, "Where are you working? What are you doing with your education?" And now, nothing. Always, since grade school, we were asked "What's next?" Now, when all of those steps have been walked through, I'm the one asking "What's next?" I've always had to answer that question, so no wonder I can't escape it now. There's nothing wrong with planning or thinking ahead to the future, but losing sleep, losing sanity, does not help me find the answer. It just causes doubt to take hold of me and question everything I've done up to this point. And that is not helpful in the least.

There is relief knowing that God knows whats next, but all that seems to do is cause me to constantly ask the million dollar question...."Am I there yet?"

Silence.

But I can not take that as abandonment. Only that we will never really be "there" until heaven, and even then we have an eternity to figure out what "there" even means.

A dear friend of mine recently told me a piece of advice she heard once..."Do whatever God told you to do last."

So any silence or lack of response I think I'm receiving isn't a lack of response at all, I just haven't received my new"assignment." I don't recall Moses asking for a 10 year plan from God when he was on his way to Egypt. I don't believe Abraham asked for a detailed report on what life was going to be like once he sacrificed Isaac. They just acted on faith. They believed what God told them to do, and kept doing it until God gave them new direction.

I can't keep asking what the next step is until I've learned all that He wants me to learn on this step. If God didn't want us walking step be step, He'd have built us with the ability to disappear and reappear wherever we wanted. And when He wants to spirit me away like he did to Philip in Acts 8, then I'll be ready and willing. But until then, I MUST remember it is one. step. at. a. time.

Here's to owing one less quarter to God....