Like a Weaned Child...

A walk prompted these thoughts.

A walk with my (almost) 2-yr old roommate.

A walk in which the stroller was forgotten.

However, walking along the river with my escort holding onto my mittened hand was better than any brisk walk I could have imagined. All he needed was contact with my hand, and he was content.  It wasn't a firm grip, but a constant one. One that felt calm and sure as long as my hand was there.  If our hands were slipping apart (and both being covered by mittens, this happened quite a few times), I would adjust and tighten our hold. 

Then entered this verse…

"But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me" Psalm 131:2.

What do weaned children do? Walk steadily by their mothers, holding hands. Are content as long as their mothers are near. Aren't willing to let mom get too far out of sight.

Thats how we are supposed to be with our Father.

My soul should be in constant need of contact with God. And He holds up his end of the bargain too…

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you'" Isaiah 41:13.

So its Him and me, walking through this life, Him holding my hand and readjusting when I start to let go, Him always looking ahead for bumps or obstacles, holding me up when I need the support, escorting me through life. 

I must continue to hold on. He is never far from us. We don't have to find Him or search for Him. We must simply turn and embrace Him.

"When I go down

I lift my eyes to you

I won't look very far

Cause You'll be there

With open arms

To lift me up again"

When I Go Down-Relient K

Whens and Whys...

When do I get to stop worrying about everyone else?

When will I not have to keep making excuses for everyone?

When will it be someone else's job to make sure I'm ok? To ask what I want to do? To be there for me…forever? 

When do I get to stop putting others ahead of me?

When will I finally get to speak my mind?

Why can't anyone read my mind?

Why can't I say what I want to when I want to and have it come out exactly as I mean?

Why?

Why do I need these things?

Why can't I get by knowing that God loves me and He's always there for me? Why is that so hard to remember?

I don't want to be a forgetful hearer…

"But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does." James 1:25.

Why can't I live like this always? Why doesn't everyone else live this way? Why can't we all stop being so selfish?

Why does it always feel like we are doing it alone? 

I wonder what Jesus felt like walking on the earth…the one He created….walking amongst those He created….the same ones He knew would want Him dead.  How did it feel leaving the physical presence of God and entering the fallen world, entering time, entering a domain that didn't acknowledge it's King. 

No one thought of Him when it counted. No one could read His mind. No one put His every need first. 

And not only did He put others before Him, love those who didn't understand Him, live with those who asked Him ridiculous questions constantly….He died for them. So He could spend eternity with them. With me. With you. 

Why?

Love.

Unconditional love…something I don't understand at all. Something I don't deserve.  Something I don't give. Something I must give. Because its given to me. "For I have given you an example. That you should do as I have done to you." John 13:15.

Why is it so hard?

I need my helper…."And I will pray to the father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever" John 14:16. Forever. I like that. Thats my only hope of doing this…at all…in my own confused, sinful, human, selfish way. 

Help me, Father. Help me remember the truths you've given me, so I don't depend on the ones I won't receive from the world. Help me. 

"Blessed is she who believed…" 

Foolishness of God...

Hello. My name is Allie. I am an over-analyzer. 

Hi Allie…

You name it, I've over-analyzed it. I hear this is a problem with many people, and I've over-analyzed whether they experience it as bad as me, because our problems are never experienced by anyone else in the entire world. Ever.

Yeah, right. 

Back to reality…

So I over-analyze. What's the worst that could happen? Some sleepless nights? A few headaches? Doubts about my entire existence? It gets pretty serious, pretty quickly. 

Then God enters the picture. As I write this an instrumental version of "In The Arms of the Angel" is playing over my George Winston Pandora station, and not that I imagine a guardian angel watching over me, but rather I am reminded of an even greater Being holding me in His arms…my ever-loving, eternal, heavenly Father. He promises that He hems me in, behind and before me, that He lays His hand upon me (see Psalm 139). He never lets go.

This is why my life appears to be….wrong. This is why I live a seemingly backwards life.  This is why the advice of the world doesn't usually help me.

This is why I was so comforted by God's Word today. 1 Corinthians 1:25 reads, "Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men."

Wait, what?

Yup.

What appears to the world to be foolish is actually genius, and what appears to be weak will break the most powerful stronghold. 

Thats the God we serve.  

Someone recently said to me, after seeing God at work in her life, "What just happened?"

He doesn't make sense…to the world. He doesn't play by the rules….of the world. He loves those who are unloveable. He comforts those who have no shoulder to cry on.  He uses people like me to share His gospel and show His love….and that is the most confusing thing about Him. 

Thats when faith comes into play.

Its more than believing in something you can't see, its more than trusting a situation will work out in the end….its believing I am redeemable. Its trusting God that I am usable. Its living out that belief every day. Its telling myself "I can do it!" because I have God, and greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).

That which appears foolish is wise, and that which appears weak is strong. Let it blow your mind.  Let it change your life. Let it lead you where He wants you to be.

Let's live a backwards life. Let's confuse the world.