Non-outcludable...

I was blessed a lot this week.

I am currently sitting on my bed, overwhelmed by everything Ohioan, but looking back over the week, I know I was blessed.

A quick summary of all the great things this week: outdoor worship service, birthday, BSF, surprises, friends, new clothes, co-workers, and food.

I was blessed by all of those things this week. 

Doesn't mean I'm not overwhelmed, but I can still see that the glass is looking a little half-full.

Work is going great. My new co-worker is fantastic and loves the Lord with all her heart. God has given us the same vision for the WWF ministry, and we are bringing everything we have to the battle front.

However, sometimes it feels like I have nothing to give, like I'm not ready to fight, like I want to just give it all to someone else. I know what goes on inside my head. If you knew my doubts, my questions, my concerns, you probably wouldn't send me out to war. 

But…

God does. And He is still sending me.

I get caught up on my faults, on outside distractions, on trivial matters, on my own levels of happiness, or lack thereof, and yet, God is trusting me with this huge thing, with these students, with this city. Maybe a better word is entrusting. He is entrusting me with His children, His students, His city, His cause, His Spirit. 

I am not unequipped. 

Please pray that I can believe this. I find myself fighting this same battle almost everyday at work. I don't want to listen to the lies that I must have made a mistake, that I'm really not supposed to be here. Please pray that I can throw off the sin that I continually become so easily entangled in so that I can run the race God has for me. 

Belief and sin de-entanglement…I need these!

Also, tonight, I was shopping and saw a baby with her mom, and I almost asked to hold her for just a bit…the baby, not the mom. Just clarifying. I miss hugging people! I don't like being that person that hugs strangers, because thats never a fun hug. Especially when those people that come at me for a hug have their arms extended straight up into the air, forcing me to crouch down awkwardly so that my arms go underneath theirs. Those are terrible hugs, for any tall person. If you are hugging a person taller than you, don't make them awkwardly crouch down. Its just awful. And when its a stranger? Two words. "Get out!" (thanks to Devyn, this is my new favorite saying). 

So yeah, I've been a little starved for human contact. And the truly hardest part of all of this? Church.

I'm adding something to that prayer list I started. So far, we have belief, sin de-entanglement, and now church. 

This is something I know I am a part of, something so much more than a Sunday morning activity. I am a part of the body of Christ, I am on His team, in His church, and fighting for His kingdom. 

Doesn't make Sunday mornings any easier, though. This is where I would see everyone I loved. Its where my family was, my friends, my ministry; its where I was challenged and taught, where I laid down so much for Jesus, where I pushed and shoved my way out of my shell and became an adult. Where I finally saw potential in myself to do something important. 

Where I felt…

…Included. 

I don't feel included now. Sort of feels like 9th grade all over again, walking into a new school, hoping someone would see me struggling, take my alongside them and show me the ropes. Like that first Young Life meeting I went to, hoping a leader would give me all the right words to say. Like that first Bible Institute meeting, where I showed up, expecting to be given a specific duty, a role to fill, a job to do. In all of these situations, none of that happened. I never found that person to shadow in high school, I never had a leader whisper all the right things to say into my ear, and I showed up an hour early to BI, and since I was still terrified of people then, instead of staying and getting to know the leaders better, I left the building and sat in my car until it started. 

Yup, I was pretty lame. 

But I can see where I've come from and I can see that there were actually people all along that were rooting for me, helping me, and eventually guided me in the right direction. Sara Perotti was my best friend in high school. She showed me what it was like to be a christian in that school, and though we rarely saw each other at school, we had a fantastic relationship outside of school. Winnie Moyer let me follow her around like a puppy during my first few every single Young Life meeting, watching how she worked with teens, gleaning from the conversations she was having, and knowing what is was like to love people just because God loves them. And I found about a thousand people who were behind me, before me, and walking alongside me through BI and the SRCC student ministry. Okay, maybe not a thousand, but to an introverted, insecure, people-terrify-me kind of person, it feels like a whole lot. And every single one of them has helped me see that God is doing a great work in all of us, me included!

Included.

I may not feel socially included in the church body specifically in this area of Ohio, but God says I am included in His body, in His global church. I am part of His plan in this world, in His world, and I will never be unincluded, outcluded, non-includable. 

For God so loved the world, that He sent His only Son to include everyone who believes.

Isn't that what your translation says?

Remember that time I cried multiple times while blogging? Thanks for reading this you guys, it really helps me process everything. I'm going to try to write a little more often, I know its good for me.